Naked newsboy hilarity!
mood: 
cheerful
cheerful![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
poisonivory), Jen (harmonyangel) and I drove to Georgia to spend a lovely few days with Margot (second_batgirl). It was, as you can imagine, awesome! And I brought a recorder to keep track of all of our hilarious hijinks, which were also awesome. I was originally going to transcribe and edit the audio for all of it, but it turns out we actually produced a full gig of wackiness, and I'm lazy. But because I'm in such a Newsies mood -- and we all (mostly) met through Newsies fandom -- of course we talked about them a lot. So I dug through and found this, a truly awesome conversation, had on the way to Six Flags. Sadly, no audio track, but transcript ahoy!Warning: lots of naked newsboys, not for the feint of heart or innocent of soul (read: my parents), complete silliness, and ... well, that's it, really. (And sadly, Margot didn't talk much, as she was busy being a responsible driver...)
[ETA: Um, thanks to find and replace, and me being a loser, Margot's name is in all caps. And I am waaaaaay too lazy to fix it. Whatevers.]
Becky: Okay, recorder, we’re on our way to Six Flags, and we’ve been discussing newsboys with no clothes on and how David would be terribly, terribly embarrassed, but would go to a naked sit-in anyway, so he could see Jack’s man parts. Anything else?
Jess: That that’s totally hot?
Becky: Also, people who have freckles on their butts, and what they do to get them there.
Jen: I think that just about covers it.
Becky: There, you have been filled in, internet.
Jess: Well, that killed the conversation.
MARGOT: Yeah.
Jen: It’s early.
Jess: Okay, so we’ve talked about Dutchy and Bumlets and Jack and David; how would Spot and Race react to the naked sit in?
MARGOT: They’d be having sex.
Jess: At the sit in?
MARGOT: No, in the corner somewhere.
Jen: Why is there always a corner?
MARGOT: I don’t know.
Becky: I think that Spot and Race have been having a coy relationship where they’re both obviously interested, but neither one of them is willing to make the first move. So Race is all, “Yeah, I’m just gonna walk around naked, and then he’s gonna jump me, and it’ll be awesome, because he won’t be able to resist.” And Spot’s all, “I will too!” And then he can’t.
Jess: Well… When I think of Spot, I don’t really think, here’s a guy who abstains from things he wants.
Becky: Well, no, but I think that he’s irritated that Tony – Ha, Tony. I love how I’ve already made them AU. Well, obviously.
Jess: Well, yeah, they kind of are.
Becky: I think that he’s really annoyed, because—
Jess: Which is good because otherwise, Denton would be showing up.
Becky: Oh, god!
Jess: Yeah. And Snyder. Owwwwww!
Becky: It would be interested if they all got arrested naked…
Jess: I know, but as long as Snyder’s not there, it’s okay! … Was Medda performing? Naked? At the naked sit in?
Becky: None of them were interested in her, she has lady parts. Although the part where they hold her up, if she’s naked, becomes a lot dirtier and more upsetting.
Jen: Do you think Max Casella ever imagined people would write this much porn about him?
Jess: Uhhhhhhhhhhh.
Becky: I found this weird-ass community that was like, “What would Max Casella do?”
Jen: [laugh]
Jess: Oh my GOD, why have we not all joined it?
Becky: But it’s like – it’s not like, “What would Jesus do?” It’s like, “Max Casella wakes up in the morning…and kicks your ass.”
Jen: So it’s more like Chuck Norris jokes?
Becky: Except it’s not! I can’t even – it’s a weird fusion of Chuck Norris jokes and What Would Jesus Do? I can’t even explain it, it’s [garbled].
Jen: A weird fusion of Chuck Norris and Jesus?
[laughter]
MARGOT: [garbled]
Jess: So how do Blink and Mush react to the naked sit in?
Becky: Um, I think that – see, you haven’t read Almost Like Being In Love, which is a shame. But I think it’s like a scene in there, where one of the guys – he planned a protest at Harvard, and everyone else is like, “That’s awesome! Strip him and chain him to a statue! It represents our bondage!” and he’s like, “What?” It’s 50 degrees out, and a bunch of thugs show up to start beating the queers who are protesting, and he’s like, “I am naked and chained to a statue…THIS IS NOT GOOD.” And his best friend’s like, “Where’s the key to the handcuffs?” and he’s like, “I DON’T KNOW, this was not my idea!” She’s like, “Hm, well, you’re going to die. Have fun with that.” But then his not-yet boyfriend, the guy he has a super-huge crush on, who also has a really huge crush on him but wouldn’t admit it shows up. He’s a giant football player, who beats everyone up who tries to hurt him.
Jess: Yaaaay!
Becky: And then they get away, and have snugglies. Anyway, my point is—
Jen: I only vaguely remember that part of the book. I read it.
Becky: It’s in the super-quick, glossed-over, here’s-what-I’ve-been-doing-in-the-20-ye
Jen: Ah, okay. I’m getting vague mental images that I had at the time, but I didn’t remember before you said that. That’s such a good book.
Becky: It was the first time Craig accidentally started a protest and got everyone arrested. It became a running theme in his life. Although as far as we know, it was the only time he ended up naked and chained to a statue.
Jess: See, because I’m just picturing Mush being like, “Alright, so we’re naked,” and everyone’s like, [swooning noise].” And he’s like, “What? … What? Guys, why aren’t you all naked?” and they’re like, “Whaaaa huuuuh?”
Becky: I definitely think everybody’s hypnotized by Mush’s nakedness.
Jess: Yeah.
Becky: And I think Blink walks around with a huge smug grin all day. But I also picture there being something like, “Okay, we’re hardcore! We’re going to handcuff ourselves to this sign! And no one can make us go!” And it’s the two of them sitting there like, “Um… But we’re naked. And handcuffed. Hmmmm…”
Jess: Where as I think Blink is more, I think he thinks it’s streaking, and they’re like, “No, because we’re not going anywhere. We’re staying in one place.” And he’s like, “Streaking! Woo!” and they’re like, “No, we’re just sitting!” and he’s like, “Sitting streaking! Woo!” and they’re like, “That’s not how…streaking—“ “Woo!” “Alright, I guess you can call it streaking if you really want to.” ‘Cause he’s a puppy.
Becky: Yes.
Jen: Aww.
Jess: A big, naked puppy. … How would Crutchy react?
Becky: Um, he presumably would be forgotten about by everyone.
Jen: Awww!
Jess: They wouldn’t even bother to arrest him, like, “There was another dude?”
Becky: Keep moving. That was what the sign said.
Jen: Les is not in the naked sit in.
Jess: No, he’s not.
Becky: No, because Les is a baby.
Jen: However, the actor could be in a naked sit in if he wants, when he grows up.
Jess: Oh yeah.
Becky: Fair enough.
Jess: A naked sit in in my living room.
Becky: A naked sit in in my bedroom.
Jess: But just the two of us. That will be more profound. … Okay, Christian Bale can come too.
Jen: Aaugh!
Becky: Jess is grinning at you, internets.
Margot: [laugh]
Jen: Well, both Christian Bale and – I just forgot his name…
Becky: Luke Edwards?
Jen: Luke Edwards are in a room together, then they’re back to their Newsies characters in my head, and I don’t want to picture Jack and Les, Jess.
Jess: Yeah, I wondered why you made that scared noise. … NOOOOOO!
Becky: No u be stealin my innocence!
[laughs]
Jess: No u be stealin my fantasy!
Jen: U be stealin my childhood!
Jess: There goes my happy place! Okay, but is it better or worse if it’s Luke Edwards and David Moscow?
Jen: Worse.
Becky: If nothing else, I’d much rather see Christian Bale naked. Like, I love D-Mos and all, he’s a cutie, but…
Jess: Fair enough. But even if D-Mos has the Abe Lincoln beard?
Becky: Especially if D-Mos has the Abe Lincoln beard?
[laughs]
Jess: I think it should have stared a new trend among young Hollywood.
Becky: Yes, as D-Mos often does…
Jess: Well, moderately young Hollywood.
Jen: Les/David is just automatically more creepy than Les/Jack.
Jess: MOAR David! MOAR Jack!
[long silence]
Becky: …What?
Jess: Less David? Less Jack?
Becky: OH I GET IT! Ha ha ha, I see what you did there.
Jess: That was m-o-a-r, by the way.
Jen: I was picturing the word in my head, so…
Jess: Yeah, I figured. When you had the blank looks and Margot laughed…
Margot: I was laughing!
Becky: I just thought you liked to yell, “More Jack! More David!”
Jess: Well, that’s true. I’ve got a fever, and the only prescription is MOAR JAVID! … Now I’m picturing them ringing cowbells.
Becky: Now I’m picturing them on a farm. But it’s not like a sexy farm, it’s like a farm where I grew up.
Jess: Now I’m picturing them—
Jen: Is there such a thing as a sexy farm?
Jess: Well, if it’s where you grew up, it’s a sexy farm.
Becky: A sexy farm would be – and Jess is gonna, her panties might be on fire –
Jess: Oh, no.
Becky: Would be Jack and David walking around wearing their work pants and suspenders, making eyes at each other and moving large bales of hay—
Jen: The only gay porn I’ve ever watched—
Jess: Luckily, I’m wearing a bathing suit and not panties, because my panties are so on fire, but they’re burning down Margot’s house, they’re not burning down the car.
Jen: The only genuine gay porn I’ve ever seen involved a farm and a tractor, somehow. This is what I’m picturing.
Becky: This is like my teenage years, growing up in Newfield.
Jess: Gay porn on a tractor?
Becky: Yes.
Jess: Are you all familiar with the fine song, She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy?
Jen: Yes.
Becky: No!
Jess: It’s so awesome. [sings] She thinks my tractor’s sexy / it really turns her on / she’s always staring at me / while I’m chugging along… / She likes the way it’s looking when I’m pulling up the land / she’s even crazy ‘bout my farmer’s tan / she’s the only one one who really understands what gets me / she thinks my tractor’s sexy… [/singing] It’s awesome.
Becky: That’s…amazing.
Jess: Almost as good as Proofreading Woman. [sings]I’m in love / (I’m in love!) / with a proofreading woman / gonna love her ‘til the day I die / she’s got a big dictionary / a real sharp pencil / she never says / ‘between you and I.’
Becky: Also amazing.
Jess: I love novelty songs.
Jess: No one has. Except me. In my dreams. … No, it’s actually a real osng.
Jen: I figured.
Becky: So what exactly do they think a naked sit in is going to accomplish?
Jess: Other than to see each other naked?
Becky: I was going to say, other than making one another really horny.
Jess: This is the only way Jack thinks he’s ever going to get David naked. They have not realized their lurve yet.
Becky: Then he’s like, “Oh noes, we’ve got to run from the cops! David, come with me! You’ll be safe at my place! Oh noes, we left your clothes behind!” And David’s like, “Can I borrow a towel?”
Jess: “I don’t have any towels!”
Becky: “I have no clothing or towels or sheets or fabric of any sort. You’ll just have to sit there naked.”
Jess: “I believe in this very firmly because I have principles!” “You don’t have principles, I have principles. You just like telling people what to do.”
Jen: Christian Bale running naked brings up disturbing images of American Psycho.
Jess: Well, he’s completely naked, he doesn’t have the sneakers. So…
Jen: And there’s no chainsaw?
Jess: Well, yeah.
Jen: They didn’t have sneakers back then.
Becky: In American Psycho?
Jess: I don’t think this 1899, I think this is like… 1969.
Becky: Sixty-nine, dude! … Sorry, I’m fine. That’s my second Bill and Ted reference in the last twelve hours.
Jess: But not 1869, because they’re not like, “Let’s go carpetbagging! Naked!”
Jen: In 1969, the streets of New York were filled with naked newsies.
Jess: They didn’t have any jobs…and they didn’t have any clothes. Because home delivery had been invented 68 years ago. … Wait, I did math wrong. Seventy years ago! I was tired of saying 69.
Jess: What about Specs? Because I love him. Because he has specs.
Becky: Well, generally, in my head, he’s trying to get in on the Dutchy/Bumlets action, and they end up having a threesome.
Jess: Alright.
Jen: Specs is the first character I ever RPed. I’m not sure why that was a good idea in my head.
Jess: Because Jack and David were taken.
Jen: Well, yes. So I was like, I will pick a random character and paste a personality on to him, based on my friend Aldo.
Jess: My personality is pasted on yaye! … Well, he was tall, and dark-haired and slim—
Jen: And Russian—
Jess: --and had glasses, so that’s pretty much your thing, anyway.
Jen: I suppose? I don’t normally think of physical traits as…
Jess: I know. … I feel bad about this, because of the actor and all, but I don’t really care about Bumlets at all. And I don’t think he’s that attractive.
Becky: I think he’s real, real pretty.
Jess: Yeaaaah.
Jen: He looks vaguely like my friend Aldo.
Jess: So I’m generally more for Specs and Dutchy, and I’m sort of like… You got your Bumlets in my Sptuchy!
Becky: … You gave Bumlets an STD?
Jess: Would the threesome be Sputchylets?
Becky: Oh, god.
Jess: Or just Sputchlets?
Becky: No name smooshes with Specs and Dutchy! It makes everything turn to disease!
Jess: Well, if it’s on the Refuge, it makes everything turn to Decs, because you made it that way.
Becky: Ducs.
Jen: Bumsputchy…
Becky: But attaching ‘bum’ as the prefix to anything just makes it dirtier!
Jess: Bumducs?
Becky: Bumsputchy? It’s like, I know where your sputches are now, and I didn’t need to.
[laughter]
Margot: That’s where I work, right down off that exit.
Becky: Ah!
Jen: Cool.
Jess: Now I’m thinking about duck bums, though.
Becky: You’re always thinking about duck bums.
Jess: It’s true!
Jen: [laugh]
Jess: But not for sodomy reasons. Just because they’re really cute when their tails wag. … It’s not, don’t give me! – Becky’s giving me the I-know-you're-thinking-about-sodomy look.
[laughter]
Jess: That’s very specific.
[laughter]
Jess: And now I am!
Becky: That time it was genuinely not my fault!
Jess: Oh, that said oil change, but I think it said dill change, and I was like, “This pickle is no good! I need a different one!”
Jen: Shoulders closed ahead?
Becky: Aww… Internet, you couldn’t see that, but it was a visual pun.
Jess: There was a visual pun?
Becky: Yes, she tried to close her shoulders.
Jess: On her head?
Becky: No? Well, I guess kind of… Inadvertently…I want to talk more about naked newsboys!
Jess: Okay.
Jen: What else do we talk about?
Becky: I don’t know if there’s anything else to discuss, though.
Jess: Snipeshooter!
Becky: I don’t want to discuss naked Snipeshooter!
Jen: He’d be covered in hats.
Jess: I’m trying to think of the newsie I hate the most…and it’s Snipeshooter!
Jen: They all through their clothing on to Snipeshooter.
Jess: Okay. We’ll get those crooked politicians.
Becky: I really like that line when I was eight!
Jess: I know.
Becky: I thought it was clever! Because I was eight.
Jen: What does Kloppman think about this?
Becky: Swifty’s kind of hot.
Jess: Who’s kind of hot?
Becky: Swifty. … Kloppman’s like, “You kids and your naked protests, get off my lawn! And turn down that damn rock and roll music!”
Jess: Is he their RA? Like, how is he involved in this?
Becky: I assume he’s like the groundskeeper, who’s like, “I’m gonna have to mow that…”
Jess: Are they at Hogwarts?
Becky: Regular colleges have groundskeepers!
Margot: He’s helping them fight crime.
Jen: He’s the dean.
Becky: The dean of naked newsboys? … So are they protesting Vietnam? Are they protesting wearing clothes? Are they…
Jen: Protesting wearing clothes in Vietnam.
Becky: I think you want to wear clothes in Vietnam, I think otherwise you end up in a lot of pain and hurting.
Jess: I think that happens clothing or not. Vietnam was not a happy place in 1969!
Jen: That is true.
Becky: Right, but generally unless you’re Tarzan, you want to wear clothes in the jungle so you don’t get all cut and scraped and bitten and destroyed.
Jess: Well, maybe they’re protesting that more people aren’t Tarzan!
Jen: Maybe they all want to be Tarzan.
Jess: Maybe they didn’t think this through very well, because mostly David was like, “And another thing! Vietnam is wrong!” and Jack was like, “We should take all our clothing off!” and everybody went, “YAY!” and David went, “What?” But by then, everybody had their pants off.
Jen: They’re all too stoned to understand, and David’s the only one not smoking up. He’s just going along with it for the naked.
Jess: Yeah, pretty much.
Jen: They should just have a commune.
Becky: A naked commune?
Jen: I’m in to hippie commune AUs in every fandom.
Margot: I’ve seen hippie commune ones with Captain America—
Jen: Yes! With all his boyfriends and girlfriends, and he’s trying to fly the airplane. And they’re like, “Hey, let’s have sex,” and he’s like, “Not while I’m flying the plane!” … And then there’s Xavier’s House of Love.
Jess: I’ve had enough of these motherfucking nudists on this motherfucking plane?
Jen: Motherfucking nudist sounds kind of creepy. … And now I fear for Esther.
Becky: Oh, god!
Jen: Sorry!
Becky: Jen!
Jess: We’re going to ignore that!
Jen: Is Sarah involved?
Jess: I think she wanted to be, and David was like, “Yeah, it’s on Saturday…” And it wasn’t.
Jen: Aww…
Becky: Either that or she’s standing there at a window, watching them all and smirking.
Jess: And then dousing her head in bleach when David walks by.
Becky: “Oh, my god! Don’t go near Jack! I like watching him!”
Jen: Poor Sarah.
Becky: And then David writing to his mom at night, like, “Dear Mom, guess what I did today. I bet you can’t! … Unless you saw it on the news, in which case, sorry?”
Jess: I think that’s how the fic starts. And then it ends with, “On the other hand, Jack and I are together now! Love and kisses, David.” Yes, he signs his letters to his mom, “Love and kisses.”
Becky: Of course he does, he’s David!
Jen: Snowballs, the Christmas tree burns. Jack and David share a small, lovely kiss.
Becky: What?
Jess: What?
Becky: I mean, awesome, but—
Jen: There was a protest, and then it was on the news, so my mind was already going to the RENT fusion place, and I don’t know…
Jess: I thought you were just creating free-form poetry in the back there. Alright.
Jen: I was stealing from Jonathan Larson’s free-form poetry.
Jess: I love David. He’s awesome.
Margot: Really?
Jess: I know, it’s like a secret.
Jen: I suppose it’s less, if we’re talking about – that was less, l-e-s-s –
Becky: Oh, good.
Jess: I was wondering.
Jen: I suppose if we’re making it sort of like Newsies actually was, it’s sort of better for David to be like, “Let’s do this!” And people are like, “No, naked!” Instead of being like, “Let’s do this,” and people are like, “No, let’s beat people up!” It’s less violent, which is nice.
Jess: True.
Jen: And it involves naked Jack, so really David wins a lot more in the 60s than he did in 1899.
Jess: I assume that they’re hippies, so their first reaction is not going to be, “Yeah, let’s beat people up!” Because then they would really be—
Becky: The worst hippies ever.
Jen: Do you really think they’re good hippies?
Becky: Yes. I think they love being stoned and naked.
Jess: I don’t think they’re bad at being—Spot’s bad at being a hippie. Spot is the worst hippie ever, but everybody else…
Becky: Spot wants to beat up hippies and he doesn’t know quite how he got involved in this. And it’s ‘cause Race made him and he’s really annoyed.
Jess: Yeah, pretty much. Oh, but see now my brain is writing really angsty fic where Spot wants to go off to Vietnam, and Race is like, “No, it’s wrong!” and then they break up. And then Spot dies. Of malaria.
Becky: Somehow, my brain just interpreted that as blowjobs. It was like, “And then before he leaves, they have blowjobs.”
Jess: Of course there’s angry sex before he leaves, but…
Becky: Naturally, but –
Jess: Now I want to write it.
Becky: I didn’t process a single face of the story.
Margot: You already owe me Spot death fic, so…
Jen: Spot/Duck fic?
Jess: Deathbed Sprace.
Jen: I was like, I wouldn’t be surprised if Jess wrote Spot/Duck fic, but…
Becky: I heard Spot/Denton and was actually more freaked out by that than by Spot/Duck.
[giggles]
Jess: Than by Spot/Duck?
Becky: Well, I hadn’t thought about Spot/Duck, now I’m freaked out.
Jen: What’s that thing over there, Margot?
Margot: What thing?
Jen: Lots of tiny buildings, and one had a cross and was labeled “The Church of Mighty Pain.”
Margot: I don’t know!
Jen: I was kind of creeped out, seriously. There were like lots of small cottages, and then…
Becky: And then the Church of Mighty Pain.
Jen: I don’t think I read it wrong.
Becky: Perhaps it was Elfland.
Jen: Perhaps.
Jess: Or Trollington.
Jen: We’re in Jane’s County. Jane Cobb…
Margot: Next exit, I think.
Jess: Yays! … The Joy of Bagels? Now I’m thinking of the Joy of Sex, but…
Becky: Now I’m thinking bagels as male masturbatory aid…
Jess: I don’t think they would really work, the hole’s not very big.
Becky: That just makes it tight?
Jess: Um…painfully tight?
Jen: You can buy carved inside, so it’s bigger. To fit. [giggle] Measure, and then like…
Jess: This just seems like it’s really too…
Jen: Complicated?
Jess: Too much thinking! Especially since I really don’t think that the bagel would work that well! You’d have to cream cheese it up first.
Becky: I was actually about to say…
Jess: Actually, lox might work better.
Becky: And then someone licks it.
Jess: Um.
Becky: Seriously, I’m apparently totally into bagel smut here!
Jen: Masturbating with fish…
Becky: Ew.
Margot: Next exit, Six Flags!
Jess: Woohoo!
Jen: W00t!
Becky: I don’t know where he is, but I do want naked Skittery in here somewhere, too, because I think he’s real pretty.
Margot: He’s stoned. You’ve seen Blood Drips, he’s stoned.
Jess: Yeah, he’s stoned.
Becky: He’s like, [terrible, terrible attempt at stoner voice] “Oh, I don’t have any pants on? Aright… I wonder where they went… does anyone have a light?”
Jess: And David purses his mouth into a very thin little line, because he does not approve of drugs, but he’s not going to say anything, because then they will forget their hippiness, and beat him up.
Becky: He’s almost as bad a hippie as Spot.
Jen: Yeah.
Jess: Yeahhh…
Becky: He’s like, “No drugs! And you’re playing your music too loud!”
Jess: “Get off my lawn!” … He agrees with all the political leanings of hippiedom, except for the legalization of marijuana, he just disagrees with all the practices of hippiedome.
Becky: The only time David gets stoned is to watch Star Trek. He totally watches stoned Star Trek.
Jen: He’s pretty much exactly the same kind of hippie I imagine Captain American to be.
Jess: Not very good at it, you mean?
Jen: Yeah, like, “I theoretically believe in what you’re standing for, except why does it have to involve drugs and nudity? And free love? I’m confused.”
Becky: Jack’s all, “Come on, David, free love! Everyone’s doing it!” David’s like, “No.”
Jess: David’s like, “You want to have sex with people who aren’t me?”
Jen: Aw.
Becky: David’s like, “I don’t know where that thing has been, put it away.” And then Jack is sad. And then David has sex with him anyway, because he’s Jack.
Jen: He’s impossible to resist.
Jess: It’s true!
Jen: Aw, Jack.
Becky: So clearly it’s a fic about how David loosens up and learns to embrace his inner nudist.
Jess: Which is kind of what Newsies is about!
Jen: Yes, it’s my favorite narrative.
Becky: And then at the end he swaggers while naked, and it’s kind of funny looking. ‘Cause… guys are kind of funny looking, when they’re just walking around nekkid.
Jess: But does he have a hat?
Becky: Not on his head.
Jess: Headlines don’t sell papes… Nudity sells papes. Which was ACTUALLY TRUE!
Becky: Tag line!
Jess: That that’s totally hot?
Becky: Also, people who have freckles on their butts, and what they do to get them there.
Jen: I think that just about covers it.
Becky: There, you have been filled in, internet.
Jess: Well, that killed the conversation.
MARGOT: Yeah.
Jen: It’s early.
Jess: Okay, so we’ve talked about Dutchy and Bumlets and Jack and David; how would Spot and Race react to the naked sit in?
MARGOT: They’d be having sex.
Jess: At the sit in?
MARGOT: No, in the corner somewhere.
Jen: Why is there always a corner?
MARGOT: I don’t know.
Becky: I think that Spot and Race have been having a coy relationship where they’re both obviously interested, but neither one of them is willing to make the first move. So Race is all, “Yeah, I’m just gonna walk around naked, and then he’s gonna jump me, and it’ll be awesome, because he won’t be able to resist.” And Spot’s all, “I will too!” And then he can’t.
Jess: Well… When I think of Spot, I don’t really think, here’s a guy who abstains from things he wants.
Becky: Well, no, but I think that he’s irritated that Tony – Ha, Tony. I love how I’ve already made them AU. Well, obviously.
Jess: Well, yeah, they kind of are.
Becky: I think that he’s really annoyed, because—
Jess: Which is good because otherwise, Denton would be showing up.
Becky: Oh, god!
Jess: Yeah. And Snyder. Owwwwww!
Becky: It would be interested if they all got arrested naked…
Jess: I know, but as long as Snyder’s not there, it’s okay! … Was Medda performing? Naked? At the naked sit in?
Becky: None of them were interested in her, she has lady parts. Although the part where they hold her up, if she’s naked, becomes a lot dirtier and more upsetting.
Jen: Do you think Max Casella ever imagined people would write this much porn about him?
Jess: Uhhhhhhhhhhh.
Becky: I found this weird-ass community that was like, “What would Max Casella do?”
Jen: [laugh]
Jess: Oh my GOD, why have we not all joined it?
Becky: But it’s like – it’s not like, “What would Jesus do?” It’s like, “Max Casella wakes up in the morning…and kicks your ass.”
Jen: So it’s more like Chuck Norris jokes?
Becky: Except it’s not! I can’t even – it’s a weird fusion of Chuck Norris jokes and What Would Jesus Do? I can’t even explain it, it’s [garbled].
Jen: A weird fusion of Chuck Norris and Jesus?
[laughter]
MARGOT: [garbled]
Jess: So how do Blink and Mush react to the naked sit in?
Becky: Um, I think that – see, you haven’t read Almost Like Being In Love, which is a shame. But I think it’s like a scene in there, where one of the guys – he planned a protest at Harvard, and everyone else is like, “That’s awesome! Strip him and chain him to a statue! It represents our bondage!” and he’s like, “What?” It’s 50 degrees out, and a bunch of thugs show up to start beating the queers who are protesting, and he’s like, “I am naked and chained to a statue…THIS IS NOT GOOD.” And his best friend’s like, “Where’s the key to the handcuffs?” and he’s like, “I DON’T KNOW, this was not my idea!” She’s like, “Hm, well, you’re going to die. Have fun with that.” But then his not-yet boyfriend, the guy he has a super-huge crush on, who also has a really huge crush on him but wouldn’t admit it shows up. He’s a giant football player, who beats everyone up who tries to hurt him.
Jess: Yaaaay!
Becky: And then they get away, and have snugglies. Anyway, my point is—
Jen: I only vaguely remember that part of the book. I read it.
Becky: It’s in the super-quick, glossed-over, here’s-what-I’ve-been-doing-in-the-20-ye
Jen: Ah, okay. I’m getting vague mental images that I had at the time, but I didn’t remember before you said that. That’s such a good book.
Becky: It was the first time Craig accidentally started a protest and got everyone arrested. It became a running theme in his life. Although as far as we know, it was the only time he ended up naked and chained to a statue.
Jess: See, because I’m just picturing Mush being like, “Alright, so we’re naked,” and everyone’s like, [swooning noise].” And he’s like, “What? … What? Guys, why aren’t you all naked?” and they’re like, “Whaaaa huuuuh?”
Becky: I definitely think everybody’s hypnotized by Mush’s nakedness.
Jess: Yeah.
Becky: And I think Blink walks around with a huge smug grin all day. But I also picture there being something like, “Okay, we’re hardcore! We’re going to handcuff ourselves to this sign! And no one can make us go!” And it’s the two of them sitting there like, “Um… But we’re naked. And handcuffed. Hmmmm…”
Jess: Where as I think Blink is more, I think he thinks it’s streaking, and they’re like, “No, because we’re not going anywhere. We’re staying in one place.” And he’s like, “Streaking! Woo!” and they’re like, “No, we’re just sitting!” and he’s like, “Sitting streaking! Woo!” and they’re like, “That’s not how…streaking—“ “Woo!” “Alright, I guess you can call it streaking if you really want to.” ‘Cause he’s a puppy.
Becky: Yes.
Jen: Aww.
Jess: A big, naked puppy. … How would Crutchy react?
Becky: Um, he presumably would be forgotten about by everyone.
Jen: Awww!
Jess: They wouldn’t even bother to arrest him, like, “There was another dude?”
Becky: Keep moving. That was what the sign said.
Jen: Les is not in the naked sit in.
Jess: No, he’s not.
Becky: No, because Les is a baby.
Jen: However, the actor could be in a naked sit in if he wants, when he grows up.
Jess: Oh yeah.
Becky: Fair enough.
Jess: A naked sit in in my living room.
Becky: A naked sit in in my bedroom.
Jess: But just the two of us. That will be more profound. … Okay, Christian Bale can come too.
Jen: Aaugh!
Becky: Jess is grinning at you, internets.
Margot: [laugh]
Jen: Well, both Christian Bale and – I just forgot his name…
Becky: Luke Edwards?
Jen: Luke Edwards are in a room together, then they’re back to their Newsies characters in my head, and I don’t want to picture Jack and Les, Jess.
Jess: Yeah, I wondered why you made that scared noise. … NOOOOOO!
Becky: No u be stealin my innocence!
[laughs]
Jess: No u be stealin my fantasy!
Jen: U be stealin my childhood!
Jess: There goes my happy place! Okay, but is it better or worse if it’s Luke Edwards and David Moscow?
Jen: Worse.
Becky: If nothing else, I’d much rather see Christian Bale naked. Like, I love D-Mos and all, he’s a cutie, but…
Jess: Fair enough. But even if D-Mos has the Abe Lincoln beard?
Becky: Especially if D-Mos has the Abe Lincoln beard?
[laughs]
Jess: I think it should have stared a new trend among young Hollywood.
Becky: Yes, as D-Mos often does…
Jess: Well, moderately young Hollywood.
Jen: Les/David is just automatically more creepy than Les/Jack.
Jess: MOAR David! MOAR Jack!
[long silence]
Becky: …What?
Jess: Less David? Less Jack?
Becky: OH I GET IT! Ha ha ha, I see what you did there.
Jess: That was m-o-a-r, by the way.
Jen: I was picturing the word in my head, so…
Jess: Yeah, I figured. When you had the blank looks and Margot laughed…
Margot: I was laughing!
Becky: I just thought you liked to yell, “More Jack! More David!”
Jess: Well, that’s true. I’ve got a fever, and the only prescription is MOAR JAVID! … Now I’m picturing them ringing cowbells.
Becky: Now I’m picturing them on a farm. But it’s not like a sexy farm, it’s like a farm where I grew up.
Jess: Now I’m picturing them—
Jen: Is there such a thing as a sexy farm?
Jess: Well, if it’s where you grew up, it’s a sexy farm.
Becky: A sexy farm would be – and Jess is gonna, her panties might be on fire –
Jess: Oh, no.
Becky: Would be Jack and David walking around wearing their work pants and suspenders, making eyes at each other and moving large bales of hay—
Jen: The only gay porn I’ve ever watched—
Jess: Luckily, I’m wearing a bathing suit and not panties, because my panties are so on fire, but they’re burning down Margot’s house, they’re not burning down the car.
Jen: The only genuine gay porn I’ve ever seen involved a farm and a tractor, somehow. This is what I’m picturing.
Becky: This is like my teenage years, growing up in Newfield.
Jess: Gay porn on a tractor?
Becky: Yes.
Jess: Are you all familiar with the fine song, She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy?
Jen: Yes.
Becky: No!
Jess: It’s so awesome. [sings] She thinks my tractor’s sexy / it really turns her on / she’s always staring at me / while I’m chugging along… / She likes the way it’s looking when I’m pulling up the land / she’s even crazy ‘bout my farmer’s tan / she’s the only one one who really understands what gets me / she thinks my tractor’s sexy… [/singing] It’s awesome.
Becky: That’s…amazing.
Jess: Almost as good as Proofreading Woman. [sings]I’m in love / (I’m in love!) / with a proofreading woman / gonna love her ‘til the day I die / she’s got a big dictionary / a real sharp pencil / she never says / ‘between you and I.’
Becky: Also amazing.
Jess: I love novelty songs.
Jess: No one has. Except me. In my dreams. … No, it’s actually a real osng.
Jen: I figured.
Becky: So what exactly do they think a naked sit in is going to accomplish?
Jess: Other than to see each other naked?
Becky: I was going to say, other than making one another really horny.
Jess: This is the only way Jack thinks he’s ever going to get David naked. They have not realized their lurve yet.
Becky: Then he’s like, “Oh noes, we’ve got to run from the cops! David, come with me! You’ll be safe at my place! Oh noes, we left your clothes behind!” And David’s like, “Can I borrow a towel?”
Jess: “I don’t have any towels!”
Becky: “I have no clothing or towels or sheets or fabric of any sort. You’ll just have to sit there naked.”
Jess: “I believe in this very firmly because I have principles!” “You don’t have principles, I have principles. You just like telling people what to do.”
Jen: Christian Bale running naked brings up disturbing images of American Psycho.
Jess: Well, he’s completely naked, he doesn’t have the sneakers. So…
Jen: And there’s no chainsaw?
Jess: Well, yeah.
Jen: They didn’t have sneakers back then.
Becky: In American Psycho?
Jess: I don’t think this 1899, I think this is like… 1969.
Becky: Sixty-nine, dude! … Sorry, I’m fine. That’s my second Bill and Ted reference in the last twelve hours.
Jess: But not 1869, because they’re not like, “Let’s go carpetbagging! Naked!”
Jen: In 1969, the streets of New York were filled with naked newsies.
Jess: They didn’t have any jobs…and they didn’t have any clothes. Because home delivery had been invented 68 years ago. … Wait, I did math wrong. Seventy years ago! I was tired of saying 69.
Jess: What about Specs? Because I love him. Because he has specs.
Becky: Well, generally, in my head, he’s trying to get in on the Dutchy/Bumlets action, and they end up having a threesome.
Jess: Alright.
Jen: Specs is the first character I ever RPed. I’m not sure why that was a good idea in my head.
Jess: Because Jack and David were taken.
Jen: Well, yes. So I was like, I will pick a random character and paste a personality on to him, based on my friend Aldo.
Jess: My personality is pasted on yaye! … Well, he was tall, and dark-haired and slim—
Jen: And Russian—
Jess: --and had glasses, so that’s pretty much your thing, anyway.
Jen: I suppose? I don’t normally think of physical traits as…
Jess: I know. … I feel bad about this, because of the actor and all, but I don’t really care about Bumlets at all. And I don’t think he’s that attractive.
Becky: I think he’s real, real pretty.
Jess: Yeaaaah.
Jen: He looks vaguely like my friend Aldo.
Jess: So I’m generally more for Specs and Dutchy, and I’m sort of like… You got your Bumlets in my Sptuchy!
Becky: … You gave Bumlets an STD?
Jess: Would the threesome be Sputchylets?
Becky: Oh, god.
Jess: Or just Sputchlets?
Becky: No name smooshes with Specs and Dutchy! It makes everything turn to disease!
Jess: Well, if it’s on the Refuge, it makes everything turn to Decs, because you made it that way.
Becky: Ducs.
Jen: Bumsputchy…
Becky: But attaching ‘bum’ as the prefix to anything just makes it dirtier!
Jess: Bumducs?
Becky: Bumsputchy? It’s like, I know where your sputches are now, and I didn’t need to.
[laughter]
Margot: That’s where I work, right down off that exit.
Becky: Ah!
Jen: Cool.
Jess: Now I’m thinking about duck bums, though.
Becky: You’re always thinking about duck bums.
Jess: It’s true!
Jen: [laugh]
Jess: But not for sodomy reasons. Just because they’re really cute when their tails wag. … It’s not, don’t give me! – Becky’s giving me the I-know-you're-thinking-about-sodomy look.
[laughter]
Jess: That’s very specific.
[laughter]
Jess: And now I am!
Becky: That time it was genuinely not my fault!
Jess: Oh, that said oil change, but I think it said dill change, and I was like, “This pickle is no good! I need a different one!”
Jen: Shoulders closed ahead?
Becky: Aww… Internet, you couldn’t see that, but it was a visual pun.
Jess: There was a visual pun?
Becky: Yes, she tried to close her shoulders.
Jess: On her head?
Becky: No? Well, I guess kind of… Inadvertently…I want to talk more about naked newsboys!
Jess: Okay.
Jen: What else do we talk about?
Becky: I don’t know if there’s anything else to discuss, though.
Jess: Snipeshooter!
Becky: I don’t want to discuss naked Snipeshooter!
Jen: He’d be covered in hats.
Jess: I’m trying to think of the newsie I hate the most…and it’s Snipeshooter!
Jen: They all through their clothing on to Snipeshooter.
Jess: Okay. We’ll get those crooked politicians.
Becky: I really like that line when I was eight!
Jess: I know.
Becky: I thought it was clever! Because I was eight.
Jen: What does Kloppman think about this?
Becky: Swifty’s kind of hot.
Jess: Who’s kind of hot?
Becky: Swifty. … Kloppman’s like, “You kids and your naked protests, get off my lawn! And turn down that damn rock and roll music!”
Jess: Is he their RA? Like, how is he involved in this?
Becky: I assume he’s like the groundskeeper, who’s like, “I’m gonna have to mow that…”
Jess: Are they at Hogwarts?
Becky: Regular colleges have groundskeepers!
Margot: He’s helping them fight crime.
Jen: He’s the dean.
Becky: The dean of naked newsboys? … So are they protesting Vietnam? Are they protesting wearing clothes? Are they…
Jen: Protesting wearing clothes in Vietnam.
Becky: I think you want to wear clothes in Vietnam, I think otherwise you end up in a lot of pain and hurting.
Jess: I think that happens clothing or not. Vietnam was not a happy place in 1969!
Jen: That is true.
Becky: Right, but generally unless you’re Tarzan, you want to wear clothes in the jungle so you don’t get all cut and scraped and bitten and destroyed.
Jess: Well, maybe they’re protesting that more people aren’t Tarzan!
Jen: Maybe they all want to be Tarzan.
Jess: Maybe they didn’t think this through very well, because mostly David was like, “And another thing! Vietnam is wrong!” and Jack was like, “We should take all our clothing off!” and everybody went, “YAY!” and David went, “What?” But by then, everybody had their pants off.
Jen: They’re all too stoned to understand, and David’s the only one not smoking up. He’s just going along with it for the naked.
Jess: Yeah, pretty much.
Jen: They should just have a commune.
Becky: A naked commune?
Jen: I’m in to hippie commune AUs in every fandom.
Margot: I’ve seen hippie commune ones with Captain America—
Jen: Yes! With all his boyfriends and girlfriends, and he’s trying to fly the airplane. And they’re like, “Hey, let’s have sex,” and he’s like, “Not while I’m flying the plane!” … And then there’s Xavier’s House of Love.
Jess: I’ve had enough of these motherfucking nudists on this motherfucking plane?
Jen: Motherfucking nudist sounds kind of creepy. … And now I fear for Esther.
Becky: Oh, god!
Jen: Sorry!
Becky: Jen!
Jess: We’re going to ignore that!
Jen: Is Sarah involved?
Jess: I think she wanted to be, and David was like, “Yeah, it’s on Saturday…” And it wasn’t.
Jen: Aww…
Becky: Either that or she’s standing there at a window, watching them all and smirking.
Jess: And then dousing her head in bleach when David walks by.
Becky: “Oh, my god! Don’t go near Jack! I like watching him!”
Jen: Poor Sarah.
Becky: And then David writing to his mom at night, like, “Dear Mom, guess what I did today. I bet you can’t! … Unless you saw it on the news, in which case, sorry?”
Jess: I think that’s how the fic starts. And then it ends with, “On the other hand, Jack and I are together now! Love and kisses, David.” Yes, he signs his letters to his mom, “Love and kisses.”
Becky: Of course he does, he’s David!
Jen: Snowballs, the Christmas tree burns. Jack and David share a small, lovely kiss.
Becky: What?
Jess: What?
Becky: I mean, awesome, but—
Jen: There was a protest, and then it was on the news, so my mind was already going to the RENT fusion place, and I don’t know…
Jess: I thought you were just creating free-form poetry in the back there. Alright.
Jen: I was stealing from Jonathan Larson’s free-form poetry.
Jess: I love David. He’s awesome.
Margot: Really?
Jess: I know, it’s like a secret.
Jen: I suppose it’s less, if we’re talking about – that was less, l-e-s-s –
Becky: Oh, good.
Jess: I was wondering.
Jen: I suppose if we’re making it sort of like Newsies actually was, it’s sort of better for David to be like, “Let’s do this!” And people are like, “No, naked!” Instead of being like, “Let’s do this,” and people are like, “No, let’s beat people up!” It’s less violent, which is nice.
Jess: True.
Jen: And it involves naked Jack, so really David wins a lot more in the 60s than he did in 1899.
Jess: I assume that they’re hippies, so their first reaction is not going to be, “Yeah, let’s beat people up!” Because then they would really be—
Becky: The worst hippies ever.
Jen: Do you really think they’re good hippies?
Becky: Yes. I think they love being stoned and naked.
Jess: I don’t think they’re bad at being—Spot’s bad at being a hippie. Spot is the worst hippie ever, but everybody else…
Becky: Spot wants to beat up hippies and he doesn’t know quite how he got involved in this. And it’s ‘cause Race made him and he’s really annoyed.
Jess: Yeah, pretty much. Oh, but see now my brain is writing really angsty fic where Spot wants to go off to Vietnam, and Race is like, “No, it’s wrong!” and then they break up. And then Spot dies. Of malaria.
Becky: Somehow, my brain just interpreted that as blowjobs. It was like, “And then before he leaves, they have blowjobs.”
Jess: Of course there’s angry sex before he leaves, but…
Becky: Naturally, but –
Jess: Now I want to write it.
Becky: I didn’t process a single face of the story.
Margot: You already owe me Spot death fic, so…
Jen: Spot/Duck fic?
Jess: Deathbed Sprace.
Jen: I was like, I wouldn’t be surprised if Jess wrote Spot/Duck fic, but…
Becky: I heard Spot/Denton and was actually more freaked out by that than by Spot/Duck.
[giggles]
Jess: Than by Spot/Duck?
Becky: Well, I hadn’t thought about Spot/Duck, now I’m freaked out.
Jen: What’s that thing over there, Margot?
Margot: What thing?
Jen: Lots of tiny buildings, and one had a cross and was labeled “The Church of Mighty Pain.”
Margot: I don’t know!
Jen: I was kind of creeped out, seriously. There were like lots of small cottages, and then…
Becky: And then the Church of Mighty Pain.
Jen: I don’t think I read it wrong.
Becky: Perhaps it was Elfland.
Jen: Perhaps.
Jess: Or Trollington.
Jen: We’re in Jane’s County. Jane Cobb…
Margot: Next exit, I think.
Jess: Yays! … The Joy of Bagels? Now I’m thinking of the Joy of Sex, but…
Becky: Now I’m thinking bagels as male masturbatory aid…
Jess: I don’t think they would really work, the hole’s not very big.
Becky: That just makes it tight?
Jess: Um…painfully tight?
Jen: You can buy carved inside, so it’s bigger. To fit. [giggle] Measure, and then like…
Jess: This just seems like it’s really too…
Jen: Complicated?
Jess: Too much thinking! Especially since I really don’t think that the bagel would work that well! You’d have to cream cheese it up first.
Becky: I was actually about to say…
Jess: Actually, lox might work better.
Becky: And then someone licks it.
Jess: Um.
Becky: Seriously, I’m apparently totally into bagel smut here!
Jen: Masturbating with fish…
Becky: Ew.
Margot: Next exit, Six Flags!
Jess: Woohoo!
Jen: W00t!
Becky: I don’t know where he is, but I do want naked Skittery in here somewhere, too, because I think he’s real pretty.
Margot: He’s stoned. You’ve seen Blood Drips, he’s stoned.
Jess: Yeah, he’s stoned.
Becky: He’s like, [terrible, terrible attempt at stoner voice] “Oh, I don’t have any pants on? Aright… I wonder where they went… does anyone have a light?”
Jess: And David purses his mouth into a very thin little line, because he does not approve of drugs, but he’s not going to say anything, because then they will forget their hippiness, and beat him up.
Becky: He’s almost as bad a hippie as Spot.
Jen: Yeah.
Jess: Yeahhh…
Becky: He’s like, “No drugs! And you’re playing your music too loud!”
Jess: “Get off my lawn!” … He agrees with all the political leanings of hippiedom, except for the legalization of marijuana, he just disagrees with all the practices of hippiedome.
Becky: The only time David gets stoned is to watch Star Trek. He totally watches stoned Star Trek.
Jen: He’s pretty much exactly the same kind of hippie I imagine Captain American to be.
Jess: Not very good at it, you mean?
Jen: Yeah, like, “I theoretically believe in what you’re standing for, except why does it have to involve drugs and nudity? And free love? I’m confused.”
Becky: Jack’s all, “Come on, David, free love! Everyone’s doing it!” David’s like, “No.”
Jess: David’s like, “You want to have sex with people who aren’t me?”
Jen: Aw.
Becky: David’s like, “I don’t know where that thing has been, put it away.” And then Jack is sad. And then David has sex with him anyway, because he’s Jack.
Jen: He’s impossible to resist.
Jess: It’s true!
Jen: Aw, Jack.
Becky: So clearly it’s a fic about how David loosens up and learns to embrace his inner nudist.
Jess: Which is kind of what Newsies is about!
Jen: Yes, it’s my favorite narrative.
Becky: And then at the end he swaggers while naked, and it’s kind of funny looking. ‘Cause… guys are kind of funny looking, when they’re just walking around nekkid.
Jess: But does he have a hat?
Becky: Not on his head.
Jess: Headlines don’t sell papes… Nudity sells papes. Which was ACTUALLY TRUE!
Becky: Tag line!
*loves you guys and misses you lots*
Man.
We're awesome and hilarious.
Or, "Jess and Becky are awesome and hilarious, Margot is awesome and responsible, and Jen pops in to laugh, say 'aww', come up with something completely horrifying, or turn things into porn."
It reminds me of the round robins the NJL would write that would just be ridiculous. And the chats. ZOMG the chats. I def. have a few quotes from the chats.