I suspect I am the only person on the internet who works tomorrow.

I should really sleep, huh?

I am feeling whiny and emo. Offerings of drabbles, fic, pictures of adorable baby animals, fun links, etc, would all be lovingly and gratefully accepted. *coff*

My toilet is broken. Unlike the Great Flood, there was no water leaked or anything. This time, it's the chain in the tank, which (at least, usually) connects the handle to the rubber valve that lets the water from the tank into the bowl when you flush. It no longer does that. It's no longer connected to the handle at all; the chain snapped. So technically my toilet works, but in order to flush it, you need to take the top off the tank, reach in and pull the chain manually.

No, that's not annoying AT ALL. (Of course the super will come tomorrow when Rachel and I are both at work.)

In unrelated news, I bought a book on Flash, as my job has asked me to learn it. Which I'm happy to (being paid to acquire new skills = yay!). The book comes with a Flash trial CD. I checked; it's supposed to work on a Mac and all. But when I went to install it? Pshaw. Nothing. Thus I have to download it from adobe.com, which went REALLY SLOWLY, as the install is now. I'm highly irritated.

Speaking of the job, there seems to be fairly little editorial responsibility to it, though some may be added later, as they don't quite have my actual duties nailed down. Last week was actually pretty sparse; I fiddled with some flash stuff, but nothing complicated. I updated a bunch of graphics advertising their conference coverage. I put together a few slides. I typed up some podcast transcripts. I did the HTML for both of their regular newsletters.

Everyone has been nice, and I think once things settle down they'll be able to actually fit me in to the general workflow. Right now, it's crazy; the people in charge spent all last week gearing up for a conference and will be gone this coming week, but at least I will be kept busy by everyone else.

Regardless, I've begun having anxiety dreams about losing my teeth again. And three different dreams involving, in some way, High School Musical. I've had to ban myself from listening to the soundtrack for the last few days, though that hasn't helped. (Let's see, there was one where "The Music In Me" saved the world by bringing music to the people--seriously--and one where Kenny was a woman, kind of (don't. ask.), and one where I was at work and worried about creating a Flash presentation about Chad/Ryan. (What? How does your brain interpret anxiety?) But I finished posting the fic! And...may have written 12 pages smut. That I don't know if I can bring myself to post. Um. Cough.

Okay. Finishing this installation, and then bedtime.

You know what's strange; at Success, I never had anxiety problems. Not before my initial interview, not when I started getting paid, not when I started full time. Even before I had any idea what the place was, I felt comfortable. That was really nice and worth a lot, it turns out. Because, while I didn't have an anxiety dream last night, it's mostly because I didn't get much sleep.

I hate not sleeping in general, and functioning on not enough sleep makes me feel pretty much ill.

I think I mentioned this to baelarion last night, but it's much easier to picture/remember being happy somewhere you've already been than to project that forward into a void you don't know. Hence reminiscing about what a great time college was, and even high school, despite my Teen Angst of Doom. Similarly, even though I know I whined about it on occasion and I wasn't always thrilled to be there, I'm having a harder time picturing myself at some kind of nebulous future job than I do idealizing the one I just lost, and it makes things all kind of annoying and stressful. (And I miss my coworkers. Sniff, sniff.)

I should really get a move on.

Meh.

(ETA: Completely unrelatedly, I redesigned--or at least, recolored--my LJ yesterday. I'm going through a fannish phase again. This is not exactly shocking.)

Job interview today.

Anxiety dreams all night last night.

Feel sick and gross.

Meh.

What I'd really like to be doing right now is lying around on my couch like some kind of giant slug. It feels like a weekend to me, very disjointed; it's funny how quickly I got used to working full time. And now I'm not and it's disorienting.

I began trolling job listing sites yesterday and updated my resume. Actually sending out cover letters begins today...BAH. I hate writing cover letters with a deep passion. They are EXCEPTIONALLY difficult.

So what I'd like to do is keep sending out applications, at least a few a day. Rachel is also home; hopefully we will be doing deep cleaning of the apartment, which kinds of needs it. I'd also like to get some writing done. I seem to somehow be writing a HP, Marauders-era fic (wtf? I have no interest in HP fandom!) that will never see the light of day, but I'd also like to update what I've already got going and get some serious work done on one of the many non-fic type projects. I don't know which one or anything yet, though.

Sigh.

So what's remarkable is that, given my recurring foot pains and occasional knee problems, last night I was able to walk those 30-ish blocks with Josh with very little problem.

Today, I'm feeling it. Owwwwwwwwwwww. My feeeeeeeeeeeeeet. *whines*

I'm tired and don't feel well and my feet really really hurt and it's gross out and the A train is running all stupidly. I don't waaaaaaaaaaaanna go to work today.

(ETA: No, seriously, I just walked across the room, and it was worlds of ow, which does not bode well for being on my feet for eight hours. If it weren't for the fact that a) I'm going out after work with a bunch of work people; b) I'm still trying to convince the managers I'm a good new hire; and c) I don't want to leave the cafe understaffed all day, I would totally call in. Whine whiiiiiine whine whine whine whiiiine whine whine.)

Definitely just woke up with a nose bleed, after having an inexplicably odd dream.

It's gonna be one of those days.

harriet_vane just showed this to me. I like Oreos. And social responsibility.

I was in a terrible mood, but then talked to people who were in worse moods, and they actually had reasons to be, so now I'm in less of a bad mood, but feel guilty for being so cranky.

I bought a Coke for the first time in two weeks. It's way sweeter and syrupyer than I remember. Like, I had to double check to make sure I had regular Coke and not some crazy new Coke with many added sweeteners. What a difference two weeks makes. Or something.

I don't know. I'm inexplicably sulky.

I seemt o be having real, honest to god, caffeine withdrawl symptoms. I'm not actually withdrawing intentially; I just haven't had a coke in a little over 24 hours. I'm having a giant headache that nothing seems to be helping. I'm only pretty sure it's the lack of Coke because this happened a few days ago as well; I walked to the store, got a coke, and all was well.

I know I drink too much of the stuff, but... yeesh. I was basically down to one a day for the last couple of weeks! In fact, the only reason I've had more than that since graduation was because of working at stupid Regal and having nothing else to drink (and even that, by the end, I was cutting down on). So this kind of blows.

I feel like it means I should try and kick the Coca-Cola habit for good, but I think we all know that's not going to happen.

Why is being productive so haaaaaaaaaaaard?

So I'm off to get my root canal. And I woke up with a bloody nose. Clearly, today is destined to be awesome.

I'm done with snow now. For reals. No more!

I remember that I used to sometimes updating with things that weren't whining, but quite frankly, not whining is overrated.

( Oh for Christ's sake. )

In better news, I'm reading a good book. That's nice.

Feeling a bit... listless. Maybe I'll go see a movie or something tonight just to get out of the house (thought I doubt it). Hopefully, tomorrow will be better; Tim won tickets to see Dave Mason, and though I've never actually heard of him, he seems to have a very good reputation. So Tim and I will be going, because why waste free tickets? Should be fun.

I've been doing some writing, but not as much as I'd like to be. Which is frustrating. And I really wish that on Fridays the Yankees game wasn't broadcast on UPN, which we don't get, because I'm really really in the mood to zone out to a baseball game. Alas.

I slept quite, quite well last night; I'm guessing because a new (well, used) A/C went into my room yesterday, and i wasn't so hot I felt like death. On the other hand, I woke up feeling pretty much sick to my stomach.

This sucks doubly because in twenty minutes I have my informational interview with Mr. Nick at Nite. So, you know, eek.

No, seriously. Eek.

Would I be a horrible brat for feeling sulky that HP is overshadowing my birthday? I'm not even a huge birthday type person, I'm not doing anything special particularly, I'm really just an attention whore.

Oh, nutbunnies.

Looking at my trusty iCal, I just discovered I have another paper due on Friday. Drat drat drat.

I'm really only taking this well because I have too much to do to panic.

( To Do list, for my own benefit )

I haven't been sleeping well and I don't know why not. I just can't make my brain turn off for long enough to fall asleep, which is quite disconcerting, as I nearly never have trouble sleeping. Sleeping a lot has always been my shtick.

And thanks to the lack of sleep, I now feel vaguely ill. So tempted to call in sick to my internship, but didn't. Go me.

Groaaaaaaaaaaaaan.

Goals for today: work out when/where I'm getting the MRI with the health center
schedule a hair appointment for Saturday
track down a needle and thread to fix my dress straps
write at least one cover letter
fix my resume
sleep at least eight hours
stop feeling ill

Good luck to me.